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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  November 21, 2012 11:00pm-11:30pm PST

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- well, for [farts]'s sake. - yeah. [applause] - thank you, everybody. thank you so much for coming out. i am the yellow falcon. - i am the black fal-- green falcon! - green, oh-- - green falcon! - good night, everybody. take care. [cheers and applause] [soul music] ♪ - ♪ i'm gonna do my one line here ♪ - oh, yeah. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york are ar are, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the ""daily show"." my name is jon stewart. i have a good divest tonight. the most delightful laugh in television to my mind, judge andrew napolitano will be joining us right over here. first, i want to let you people know i am a jew who is in to politics. ( cheers and applause ). been doing the show 15 years now. ( laughter ) speaking of which, ooh, i think we have a new middle east war brewing out there. that's late-breaking news. we'll have to deal with that when we get back. what's better than a middle east war. let's begin one more from the "where are they now?." you may remember mitt romney
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made a rather infamous statement that 47% of the country would not vote for him because they saw himself as victims, entitled-- housing, health care, from the government. as it turns out, much to his disappointment, barack obama was able to pick up four more percent of real america giving him the victory. of course romney walked back his 47% statement. >> in this case i said something that was just completely wrong, and i absolutely believe, however, that my life has shown that i care about 100%, and-- and that's been demonstrated throughout my life. >> jon: i believe him. ( laughter ) there's something about a man standing in front of a perfectly pressed flag and the world's cleanest indoor tractor that says, "i'm the real deal." laughed laug ( laughter ) you can imagine my surprise when this man, so unfairly character turd, by his own words, as an
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out-of-touch plutocrat yesterday blamed his campaign loss on leaches. >> what the president's campaign did was focus on certain members of his base coalition, give them extraordinary financial gifts from the government, and then work very aggressively to turn them out to vote. ( laughter ) >> jon: how on earth did mitt romney find out about the extraordinary bag of gifts? ( cheers and applause ) that we got. and this. oh, what did obama give us? oh, a bag of weed. that was nice. oh, food stamp cozy. contraception variety pack! ( cheers and applause ) very thoughtful. pinata filled with green cards!
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and, of course, for the hipster voters, a certificate where lena dunham will chastise you while you master bait. i'm kidding! these are the gifts mitt romney is talking about. >> the president wooed hispanic voters are free health care and amnesty for children of illegal immigrants. >> with regards to the young people, for instance, romney said, a forgiveness of college loan interest was a big gift. >> anyone 26 years of age or younger was now going to be part of their parents' plan. >> free contraceptives were very big with young college-aged women. >> jon: yeah, they loved ( bleep ). while mitt romney blamed his loss on obama voters' bribability. >> it's not a traditional america anymore. >> traditional america as we knew it is gone. >> ward, june, wally, and the beav, out of here. >> yeah, pret much.
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( laughter ) >> jon: yes. yes, bill. obama's reelection marked the moment that traditional america ended. the moment when the family from the 1950s sitcom "leave it to beaver," ceased to be real. yes, it was a moment when-- ( cheers and applause ) traditional america-- obama's reelection was the moment when traditional mrealized even their rich wives couldn't save them from being replaced. bill o'reilly, what are you talking about! >> the demographics are changi changing. the white establishment is now the minority. >> jon: yes, as american demographics have always been changing. and the old establishment always giving way to-- and presenting-- a new establishment, mr. o'reilly and mr. goldberg.
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( laughter ) or perhaps mr. o'reilly is forgetting the-- hold on-- 19th century. ( laughter ) when people with names like o'reilly were described in the "christian examiner" newspaper with phrase like, "the ill-clad irish man is repulsive to our habits and tastes." by the way, the "christian examiner" newspaper at that time considered to be one of the more progressive newspapers by acknowledging the irish to be human. ( laughter ) here's "harper's weekly" on the 19th century threat to traditional white mesh. we gave them land fwages far better than they could obtain at home and come to us steeped in ignorance and superistition. nearly 75% of our criminals and paupers are irish." see, bill, you guys turned most of that around. ( laughter ) ( applause ) as for your friend bernie, i did search might be rofear, the library of congress and could not find any instances at any
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point in american history where traditional americans didn't like jews. there was nothing there. i tried. turns out, apparently, jews have always been in america and always been loved and accepted. ( laughter ) wish i could say the same for catholicism. >> only about 30% of americanicals now attend weekly mass. you can see the impact of creeping secularism on the religious vote. on paper, the stats look hopeless for traditional americans. >> jon: right, as stats about creeping catholicism in the 1840s looked to the american society to promote the principles of the protestant reformation or a.s.p.p.p.r. they hadn't cracked the acronym thing then. they felt the extension of catholicism endangered american freedom and back in the "leave it to beaver" days they wouldn't even elect a catholic president until j.f.k. gave a speech
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ensuring protestant clergy he wouldn't take orders from the pope. he would take orders from something that starts with a "p" and resembles a wrinkled old man wearing a hat. ( laughter ) ( applause ) "ask not what you can do for your country. let's just find some chicks." how do you think traditional americans would have reacted to a mormon candidate for president? seeing as in 1857, president buchanan sent the army to utah to fight them. bernie, bernie, bill, fox, you don't need to worry so much. ... what you are demonstrating is the health and vitality of america's greatest tradition-- a fevered ruling class lamenting the rise of a new et cetera
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nickly diverse new class one that will destroy all that is virtuous and good and bring the american experiment crashing to the ground. except you're forgetting one thing-- that is the american experiment. ap ethnic group arriving on america's shores, to be reviled, living in scallor, or if they're lucky, scallor heights. ( laughter ) working hard to give their children or grandchildren the opportunity to ( bleep ) on the next group landing on our shores. ( cheers and applause ). so enough. enough! relax! enough with the lamentations. unless your real name is sitting bill, you've got nothing to complain about. ( laughter ) we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ,xt8y(y(ylbqr@p@)0p,g !#úphah0pyp0dtqñ-x,x-x[5
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. the election is over! the people have spoken, and the balance of power is exactly the same as it was before. ( laughter ) is gridlock inevitable or is there a solution? al madrigal has more. >> by re-electing barack obama and leaving congress intact, voters changed basically nothing. it appears we're facing years of inaction. but it doesn't have to be that way. according to jonathan miller of the reform group no labels. >> the biggest problem in washington is gridlock. we have democrats and republicans each behind their own bunkers and we don't get the work done that the constitution
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requires. >> what would do you to break gridlock? >> no labels has a 12-point plan called make congress work. >> you're going to make me listen to all 12 steps, right? >> i would like for to you listen to all 12. >> okay. >> step one, if congress doesn't pass a budget, then they don't get paid. second, be willing to compromise with the other side. step three, we want to fix the filibuster, step four-- >> is $119 a month too much for a gym membership. >> we want members t members to come to work five days a week. step six, question time-- >> i'm sorry. what step were you on? >> step 6. we would like to see the president come down to the welof congress-- >> what if i were to tell but the magical land of no gridlock. >> the land of no gridlock? >> yeah. >> i would love to see that here in the united states. >> well, it is here in the united states. time for a closer look. arizona. yes, america's largest gated
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community has had no gridlock for the last two years, none. and in 2011, they passed four times as many laws as congress. this was accomplished with aicism legislative tool, according to state representative david shapeera. >> the republicans are able to pass the bills through pretty quickly and easily because they have a super majority in both chambers. >> yes, a super majority. it's like a regular majority, but with a rare super power it's ability to treat others as invisible. with two-third of the state house in their control, republicans can pass pretty much anything. >> they passed a bill that said that the colt 45 would be the state gun. >> every state has a state gun. >> i don't think that's 2. there is a bill that defends us against some sort of like u.n. invasion. >> that's awesome. >> no, not really. >> sv1359 would say medical professional doesn't have to inform a woman during her pregnancy if the child has a
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birth defect. >> wow. it's just showboating at this point. really rubbing it in your faces. >> could be. >> it's like arizona republicans have already put the no labels 12-step plan into place. and the people of arizona couldn't be happier. they're celebrating nonetheless streets, like this parade for anti-immigration law sv1070. >> the super majority is pazzing all these laws. it's something we need ( speaking spanish ) >> now, my span sir a little bit rusty but what he said there is he appreciates the streamlined lack of gridlock here in arizona. he also gave a shout-out to his girlfriend tina. he's sorry he hurt her. the other girl meant nothing. airfare talked to 600 people-- >> i think it's basically ( bleep ). >> i realized, maybe they don't like it. hold. what is this law?
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>> it was a bill passed that allows law enforcement if they have "reasonable suspicion" to ask someone for documentation to prove their immigration status. >> so if you're brown, they can just pull you over and demand papers? >> that's right. >> you've got to be ( bleep ) me. excuse me. holy ( bleep ). i didn't realize these laws could affect actual people, like me. if either party gets a super majority in d.c., who knows what hell it could unleash? chick-fil-as everywhere! drum circles! no! are you ( bleep ) kidding me! aahhh! ( bleep ) you, 12 labels. gridlock! we need you! >> jon: al ,x e
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( cheers and applause ). >> jon: my guest tonight, he is the senior judicial analyst for the fox news channel. his new book is called "theodore and woodrow." please welcome back, the good judge andrew napolitano. what's up? >> good to see you. >> jon: it's the judge! how are you, man? >> i am well. >> jon: we're going to get into things, theodore and woodrow, but first-- >> this is a great audience. >> jon: they're a lovely group of people. they're here-- the tickets are free. >> they didn't pay to get in? >> jon: they did not pay to get in. they love you. let me ask you two things first-- >> you're not going to make me defend o'reilly? >> jon: why, of course-- could you? ( laughter ) i would like to-- ( applause ) >> he's my buddy.
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>> jon: isn't there a prevailing attitude that i'm noticing over there that somehow we've reached a tipping point, that there is a new demographic change in america that is unlike the others. you mentioned it on the morning show that you thought o'reilly was right that we are now a nation of takers. you know that if that attitude had prevailed, you and i, mr. o'reilly, if it had prevailed in america's history, you and i would not be here. >> i know if the government had not allowed newcombers to come to the country and flourish, you and i and a lot of good folks in the studio wouldn't be here. that's why i'm in favor of open borders. i think you have natural rights. it doesn't matter where your mother was when you were born. you can go where you want and live where you go and it's none of the government's business where you were born. >> jon: i think that's excellent. but why do you think there is this fear, though, that somehow there's-- i'm getting the sense that the right feels suddenly
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out-numbered? and i think it's a fantasy, a paranoid fantasy. >> remember i'm not of the right. i'm the libertarian, the ron paul guy over there. ( applause ). >> god bless you. >> jon: the people of the pot. >> and human freedoms. the right, obviously, is out-numbered because the election, the last two elections have told us so. but the right shouldn't be. it really should be able to appeal to a vast array of people who want the government out of their bank books and out of their victims and leave them alone. >> jon: in some respects, though, hasn't it shown people do want an effective federal government for some things? for instance, my parents -- my mother is from the bronx, my father is from brooklyn. >> my grandmother is from the bronx. >> jon: oh, my god, are we related? >> how could that possibly be? give me that hand. >> jon: absolute! this and then this. >> right! >> jon: they grew up poor. city university at that time was free. they got an excellent, free
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education. now,-- from the government. >> from a local city and state government. not from the federal government. you see, there's this thing called the constitution. that's why i wrote this book because these two characters didn't believe i believe that the constitution meant what it said. the constitution limits the federal government and lets the states and local governments to do things. if you don't want to pay fair city college in your taxes, go to another state where they don't have these columns. if you want to live where people can get a good education, people who otherwise couldn't afford it, go live where the taxes pay for those schools. as ronald reagan said people can vote with their feet. >> jon: ultimate the federal government-- poor people, obviously their suz, the soles are not as quick, have trouble trouble with mobility in some sparse. you're saying the federal government should not be involved in education at all. >> no, the federal government should not be involved in education. >> jon: at all. >> or the constitution should be amended to reflect the consensus
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that it should. but when the federal government exceeds the constitution and it's the supreme law of the land, how can we trust the federal government to do anything? the federal government might even spy on the country tea chief spy because they think he's having an affair, even though that's against the law they've sworn to uphold. >> jon: if your argument is we can't trust the federal government to do anything how can we trust it to do anything, like fight wars or what it says in constitution to do. >> the constitution was created to give us checks and balances. the states were a check on the federal government. i know you're not going to want to hear this. if they didn't like what the feds were doing, they could leave, and the fed would lose a lot of income but the threat of leaving would cause the feds to behave. >> jon: isn't that-- i thought the whole idea of the constitution was they tried what you're describing, and of in the articlees of confederation, and they went, oh, the whiskey rebellion, and then they consolidated-- >> i would have been on the side of the rebels. listen, i candidly salute you
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for the history of the country that you gave because the establishment always pears the next generation. and if the establishment stopped the next generation from coming in, you and i wouldn't be here. >> jon: that's right. >they pretend the next generation is not as virtuous. >> the country is big enough to expand and absorb. one out of many. the many come here and form a wonderful mosaic -- >> stephen: there's got to be a latin phrase for that, that's more elkent. there's got to be something in there. >> e pluribus. >> jon: wait, donaldy e-- no, that's not it. you talked about the spying. you're talking about petraeus, the government and petraeus. you also have some theories about what's going on there, am i correct? >> yes, i do, yes. >> jon: would you like to discuss them? >> i would. you want me to discuss them. >> jon: i would like to
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discuss them. i will say this, though. we are on television, and the federal government could be monitoring this conversation. >> i happen to believe the federal government monitors all conversations, even those between the head of the c.i.a. and his mistress. . >> jon: if there was a guy having a mistress that should be monitored, wouldn't it be our top sty spyguy? isn't that the whole idea, you don't want to blackmail the top spy? >> so many people knew about this, there was nothing to blackmail. the f.b.i. knew about this from the time they did a background check on general petraeus. >> jon: that's in the foible file. >> i haven't seen the file -- >> stephen: judge. >> having been the subject of a background check i know what they can find out. >> jon: when did you get a barque ground check. >> to go on the bench. >> jon: oh, i thought it was fox. ( laughter ) will you stick around for five minutes. "theodore and woodrow" is on the bookshelves now. judge andrew napolitano. ( cheers and applause )
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